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First she was fit, then she was thick, now she's tired of this fat girl shit

July 2020 put me down.. in more ways than one. The picture posted above is the day after I got my gallbladder removed. Not only were we in the middle of an effing pandemic, but I had to get surgery & be even more depressed after further workout restriction.

Although that may sound minute and irrelevant compared to other problems going on in the world, my mental health was at an all time low.. Why? I have a beautiful son and a to die for hottie pottie boyfriend, so why is my mental state so low?

Well I cant begin to explain my thought process but it goes little something like this..

I felt trapped. Weird right? I felt trapped in a life and body that I had no control over. I knew what I needed to do to be healthy but I didn't ever do it. I knew how I needed to exercise in order to obtain the physique I wanted, but I couldn't. Why?

I found out I had an issue with my gall bladder and needed it removed and proceeded to use that as a bigtime excuse to be any thing but healthy.

Is this a sob fest? Or a poor me party? Well no. I am being real with you all when I say this part of my life my health went out the window. I continued to pity myself and make excuses for why I wasn't eating healthy or exercising and I began to spiral myself into a depression because I spirialed further and further away for the person I knew I could be.

I know there must be someone in this world out there that can relate?

The point I'm failing to make is this:

For me, being in shape or healthy isn't about being the next Whitney Simmons ( Although that would be super dope). For me being in shape is a way to tell myself that I show up for myself everyday no matter how hard the day was. When I stopped being consistent in showing up for myself, my self pity and excuses increased as my confidence decreased.

Around September 2020 I was cleared to workout again. I was so extremely excited to get back to the grind.. until it was finally time for me to workout...

You know where you used to be and just immediately think after months and months of falling off you get right back into it and have the same strength as before. Nope. Not the case sis.

You can sit there and feel bad about your current state or you can get your ass off the couch away from Netflix land and show up everyday.

I know I know sounds lame and allll the fitness queens are saying the same shit these days. Well they are right.

After months of self sabotage and a depression, wishing I would just magically be the person I used to be.. I woke up.. I showed up.. And I continue to show up.. No matter how bloated, annoyed, lazy, and pissed I am from the day I make it happen.

Let me tell you, I am still not tight, lean, and pristine, but I have a fire in me that no one can take away.

I will show up on here every week for you all to show you that I am working towards the human I want to be.

Now that we have scratched the surface, each week we will talk about REAL shit not just with fitness, but different things that lead us to make healthy/unhealthy decisions.

I will share real life experiences along with real images of my journey. You can support me by taking the journey with me and digging deep. For you it might not be fitness. For you it may be something else you want to accomplish or a goal you want to obtain but your brain is telling you you're not good enough.... I am here to tell you, YOU ARE... You just need to make it happen.. No one will put in the work for you... but you can surround yourself with people who will be in your corner pushing you towards the empire you want to make for yourself.

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